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Electronic Media prints - EMprints / CSC, P.O. Box 8261 Springfield, IL 62791-8262
More to Come???
I write in hopes that others stroke victims may learn from my experience! I've read that a blog is a day-to-day diary. That is not at all what I have in mind. I will continue posting occasionally until I get a lot of negative feedback, run out of things to say or am no longer able to say them. I don't want to offend anyone!!!
I tore my vertebral artery in 1994 and had a TIA. I never even knew it until on Easter Sunday; my brain became starved from oxygen. It was called a very severe base-of-the-brain stroke for lack of a better term. They never removed the blockage and I was told it doesn't matter. Dead is dead and the risk is too great that it may kill me. After recovering, the first words out of my mouth were, "Let me die" but no one could understand me anyway. Being at a relatively young age of 44 and being very healthy, I became very bitter, taking it out on others.
Sometime around June 2008 I was told by my eye doctor that I am going blind in my left eye due to lack of blood flow, but restoring the flow can kill me. I was told that my eye will turn white. (I guess I'll wear a patch)
In October 2008, I had a severe heart attack with 99.5% blockage and received three stints. (Since then there have been several times when I have gotten dizzy). Then a month later on Thanksgiving Day 2008 I just went down. I woke up with paramedics getting ready to take me away. I demanded that they leave me alone. However they insisted that I get up off the floor, make it to bed on my own and sign a waiver before they would leave.
In January 2009 while at the dentist, I was told a medical term that indicates I have something in my arteries on the same side as my injury. Then later in the spring of 2009, I broke my nose and almost bled to death when my heart stopped causing me to pass out and fall. As they say, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired".
I'm writing this now and taking each day as it comes because my future doesn't look all that bright; instead of sunglasses I need a flashlight. I took a real age test and although my chronological age was 58, my real age was 72 and that was before my heart attack and blackouts began. I have to assume that my days are numbered.
By now you may be thinking, "Why is he doing this? Is he intentionally tying to depress me."? That isn't why at all. It's been 16 years since my stroke during which time I have gone through many changes. I am beginning to feel like an expert on the strokes, attitude and depression!
I've come a long way during which time I wasted many years in denial, depression and self-pity. I have never physically recovered, and now realize that I never will. I have learned to accept it. I have gone from rock bottom to the happiest years of my life. I always wanted to get well physically. What I never realized is that attitude is the key.
One of the first rules of psychology is, "Just because you know me today, it doesn't mean that you'll know me tomorrow". We are ever evolving creatures based on our personal life experiences. The Philosopher Earl Nightingale called it The Strangest Secret..."We become what we think about." And the great Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, "A man is what he thinks about all day long."
It's so true, negative thinking produces negative results while all good things can and will come to him who thinks optimistically. Perhaps the most profound statement of all regarding the power of "Definitely Directed Thought" comes from the tongue of Jesus Himself, "All things are possible to him who believes" (Mark 9:23).
We (stroke victims) need to accept the fact that we have experienced a major change, and there's nothing that we can do to change that. The sooner we accept it the better! Over time, I've learned to have a sense of humor, take every day one at a time, get right with my family and God, and to live every day as though it may be my last is about all that anyone can do.
Awhile back I was regressing into depression, antidepressants and alcohol. I was feeling sorry for myself and complained to another stroke victim in an email. He wrote back, "How can you even say that? Look at…" He doesn't even know it but it was the kick in the pants that I needed to get back on track. All that said, so why am I writing this?
To help keep YOU on track! (Sometimes we all need a little help!)
Now that I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God. Let me live to tell the people of this age what your strength has accomplished, to tell about your power to all who will come. - Psalm 71:18
EMprints / CSC, P.O. Box 8261 Springfield, IL 62791-8261
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